«We find our way back to each other. Always have, always will»

 

.Chapter 1 of Arcane

Malia

“Do you know why you are here?”

A foreign female voice penetrates the thick fog clouding my mind. I blink but remain unable to make sense of what I see. My vision is blurry, my brain too numb to catch up. I want to search for the voice’s owner, but I can’t move; my limbs are impossibly heavy.

In the back of my mind, a warning rings out, telling me to get ahold of myself and take stock of my surroundings. But thewords of caution are too far away to carry any actual importance.

“Can you hear me?” the voice adds, drawing nearer.

Yes, I want to answer, but my mouth won’t obey my command. My body seems incapable of working properly, caught in a dreamlike state. Is this a dream? I’ve never experienced anything similar, and it seems impossible for reality to feel like this.

“Malia?”

My head jerks at the sound of my name, the trance shattered. I blink furiously, awareness rushing back into my body and mind as I look up.

A beautiful woman with dark, wavy hair and bright blue eyes is sitting across from me. As I study her features, a sliver of recognition trickles over me, making my galloping heart stumble, but the paralyzing fear that I’m expecting doesn’t take hold;instead, the sight of this stranger evokes an unfamiliar sense of calm.

Even so, I force myself to stay cautious––with great effort––and take a look around. We’re in a big room, bright but windowless, which is just as unfamiliar to me as the woman is. Fluorescent lights hang from the ceiling. There’s not a single indication as to where we are.

I know I should be scared, finding myself in a foreign place with a stranger and no recollection of how I got here, but I can’t quite bring myself to call out to my parents or look for a way to escape. Not when the woman on the other side of the desk looks so much like an angel.

“Do you remember what happened?” the woman asks patiently.

I want to answer, but the words get stuck in my throat, so I shake my head. I have no idea where I am or how I got here. It feels like I was in the car with my parents just a moment ago.

As if reading my mind, the woman continues slowly, “You and your family were in an accident. I’m very sorry.”

An accident? That seems highly unlikely. I would remember being in an accident, right? Although maybe not, if I hit my head. And that would explain my drowsiness. But if the accident had been that bad, wouldn’t I be in hospital right now? And where are my parents? They never usually let me out of their sight.

I take a deep breath to try and find my voice.

“Where are my parents?”

The words come out shaky and weak, so different from usual.

The strange woman smiles sadly. “They died in the accident. I’m so sorry. I know this must be difficult for you to hear.”

Died? That can’t be true. We were driving to our favorite café just a second ago. My dad had told us a joke, and we’d all been laughing together. I can still hear my mom’s chuckle ringing out, can still see my father’s warm eyes looking at me in the rearview mirror.

My voice is gone again. I shake my head once more, looking away from the woman and down at my knees. My

hands are trembling in my lap, but I can barely feel them. Nothing seems real.

A strong hand gives my shoulder a squeeze, making me whirl around in my seat. Another person I’ve never seen before, aman this time, is standing behind me like some kind of guardian. He’s tall, his face obscured by the blinding lights above, but I can tellhe’s looking ahead rather than at me. I turn my attention back to the woman.

“Where am I?”

My voice, usually so loud in order to be heard over the chaotic conversations at family functions, is now barely recognizable. It sounds more like a broken whisper.

“You are at the Arcane Academy,” the woman explains. “It is a school for young people like you. I am the headmistress, Adira, and this”––she gestures to the man standing behind me––“is Kaz, my right hand and your future trainer.”

I don’t turn around again, the questions whirring in my mind much more pressing than figuring out the person at my back. “Young people like you… your future trainer…” Like me how? Orphans? Because that’s what I apparently am now? And what is this man going to train me in? I’ve never even heard of the Arcane Academy. Besides, I like my current school. The teachers are nice, and I have friends there. Why would I switch to this one?

I have to speak to my parents. No one told me about this change, which means this woman must have me confused with someone else.

But when I don’t say anything right away, Adira goes on, “I’m sure you have a lot of questions, but it’s been a long day. We can talk tomorrow.”

“But I just got up,” I protest. Nothing this woman says is adding up.

“It’s past midnight,” Adira tells me. “It was a long flight over here.”

I furrow my brow and shake my head again. What flight? I’ve never even been on a plane.

“I know this is a lot to take in,” Adira says softly. “But I promise everything will make sense tomorrow. Goodnight,Malia.”

Before I can protest any further, the man she called Kaz gently eases me to my feet and leads me out of the room.

“Where am I?” I whisper into the space ahead as we walk.

“Virginia,” Kaz replies, his voice deep and soothing.

Virginia. I’ve heard of that. I try to remember where exactly Virginia is located, but my thoughts are all over the place.

“You’re in the USA,” Kaz adds, as if he’s somehow privy to my thoughts.

The USA. That can’t be true. The last thing I remember is being in Sicily with my family, and now I’m supposedly on anothercontinent? How could I possibly have forgotten both a car accident and such a long flight?

This must be a dream. My parents will wake me any moment now, and everything will be all right. I pinch my elbow subtlyand shut my eyes for a moment, but when I open them back up, I’m still walking through clean, foreign halls.

“There’s a single room prepared for you, with clothes and a bed,” Kaz tells me. “I’ll fetch you in the morning, and then youcan talk to Adira again. She’ll fill you in on why you’re here and tell you the necessary details about the school. For any furtherquestions that may come up, you can ask the older student who’ll be showing you around later tomorrow.”

Before I can even start to process that, Kaz continues, “Students here share rooms, but we thought it would be best if you had the chance to calm down alone tonight and get some sleep. You’ll be assigned a room and meet your roommate tomorrow.”

All I can do is nod. I’m a nine-year-old girl, alone, stranded in a country where I don’t know a single person.

Hang on…

“What’s the date?” I ask Kaz.

“January 15^th.”

A ten-year-old girl then. Happy Birthday to me.

There’s silence for a moment, but my stomach interrupts it with a loud growl.

“I haven’t had breakfast,” I mumble.

Normally I’d be embarrassed, but I can’t find it in me to care right now. My mind just continues to spin, although whetherthat’s due to the lack of food in my stomach or the mess my reality is becoming, I’m not sure.

“Let’s change that, then.”

With a firm hand on my shoulder, Kaz guides me to take a right turn.

We move into another corridor of white marble walls, not a single window in sight, and I wonder how I’ll ever find my way around here. How am I supposed to distinguish between the different halls if they all look the same? Do I really have to stayhere?

I hear voices, faint at first but getting louder as we continue our walk, and we soon reach a room full of kids. Why is everyone still up?

Most of them look a lot older than me, although I catch a few exceptions in the short glimpse I allow myself to take. It’s a small relief, seeing confirmation of Adira’s words that this is a real school with real kids.

The chatting dies down as I enter, people turning to look at who is arriving so late. Feeling the heat of their stares, I shiftmy gaze quickly to my feet. Thankfully, Kaz––undoubtedly noticing my discomfort at being on display––gives my shoulder anotherencouraging squeeze and steers me into an adjoining room.

As soon as the heavy door closes behind us, it blocks out the curious whispers that had immediately started up. I release a quiet sigh. There are no kids in this room, no burning looks, so I allow my gaze to rise off the floor. We’re in a massive kitchenhosting a single, hearty woman wearing an apron and the biggest smile possible.

“Oh, hello, darling,” she says to me before turning to address the mountain of a man behind me. “Kaz, I didn’t know you’d becoming by this late or I would’ve made sure there were leftovers. What can I get you two?”

Her chipper manner exudes warmth in such a way that my nerves settle just a tad. It’s a stark contrast to Adira’s professional distance or Kaz’s silence, and I find myself ready to reply to her with a steady voice.

“I’ll take whatever you have on hand, please.”

She beams, as if thoroughly delighted at my reply, and starts bustling around in search of my dinner. The way she navigates the kitchens––opening a few drawers and picking out things without sparing them a glance, immediately on her way to another counter––reminds me of a bee. She’s surprisingly light on her feet, barely making a sound in the process. I only realize I’ve been watching her, transfixed, when she presents me with a plate filled with slices of cold meat, cheese, and crackers.

“Just nibble at this while I whip up something fit for a growing child, will you?” she says. “So you don’t starve in the meantime. If Kaz had given me a bit of a heads up, I would have had something steaming ready for you the second you stepped through the door.” She tuts, shooting my future trainer a pointed look. But when she turns her attention back to me, any scorn has left her features, and she smiles. “But where are my manners? I haven’t even introduced myself. I’m Bertha.”

She crouches down slightly to be nearer to my height and holds out a weathered hand. I shake it, trying to hold firm in the way my father taught me, and her smile seems to brighten further.

“I’m Malia,” I offer.

 “Beautiful name, my dear. I don’t think I’ve heard it around here before,” she responds, already halfway across the kitchen, whipping out ingredients left and right.

Even though my mouth is watering at the thought of a warm meal, I send a searching look over my shoulder at Kaz,trying to figure out if we have time for that. But when I see him already sitting down in a chair he got from who-knows-where, I relax a little, glad he’s not mad that I haven’t declined the offer of a proper meal. When he catches me looking, he even gestures to anotherchair, close to him but not close enough that it would be uncomfortable. I smile weakly and mumble thanks as I sit down to watchBertha prepare my dinner, trying to distract myself from the many questions and worries still circling my mind.

Unless the voice is actually sounding inside her head, this should be rendered as regular dialogue, without italics.

Using ‘voice’ here makes it sound as though you’re referring to the voice that’s speaking to her, so best not to use it in order to avoid any confusion.

Dialogue tags should be lowercase, as they’re an extension of the speech before them.

Since following is often used for plural commands, obey is the better word here for a single command.

I’ve suggested removing the ‘over itself’ to prevent repetition from the previous line (trickles over me).

‘Foreign’ is one of those words that tends to stand out, so since you use it at the very beginning, I’ve suggested an alternate word here.

The English in this sentence wasn’t quite correct, so I’ve reworded parts as needed while still keeping the same meaning.

You need to make it clear for your reader that she’s fighting to stay suspicious despite the calming effect of the woman’s presence, which is why I’ve added this in.

You’ll see I’ve done a touch of rewording/reformatting in this paragraph, not only to polish up the English a tad, but also to strengthen the paragraph by ending it on that note about there being no clues. It also makes the start of the following paragraph better-linked and cleaner.

Whereas it makes sense for the first sentence of this paragraph to be internal monologue, as she’s repeating the woman’s words back to herself, it makes more sense for this to be part of her narration rather than a specific internal thought. Combined with the way that I’ve split the paragraph into more individual sentences, it therefore mimics Malia’s racing thoughts and gives the reader a sense of her confusion.

I’ve suggested you put all three of these sentences onto separate lines as it echoes the current flow of the story and heightens the tension – her taking a breath, her speaking the words, and then her reaction to them.

Words like Mom or Dad should only be capitalised when they’re being used in place of a proper noun.

As this is an event in the past that’s ended, rather than still being ongoing, it should be the past perfect tense ie. had told us, we’d been etc. This also makes the next sentence even stronger, as you’ve established that this is in the past but that the memory is still very much vivid in her present mind.

You’ll see quite often that I’ll make edits like this, where I rearrange the structure of a sentence while keeping all of the same content. This is just to ensure that sentences are not only at their most effective in terms of communicating meaning, but also clear and easy to follow for the reader.

It’s generally best to include dialogue tags after the opening clause of any sentence, or somewhere similarly near the beginning, so that your reader knows who is speaking. You can then insert dialogue tags with details of actions or expressions later on in the speech, as I’ve done in this paragraph, so that details are scattered in different spots and where they’re most relevant, rather than bunched up and being dumped in one go.

It’s best to either keep the quoted material together here, or separate it out into separate paragraphs with the quotes at the beginning. Combining the quotes here at the start allows you to go straight into listing all of her questions, which again literally illustrates her racing thoughts for the reader.

I’ve split this onto a separate paragraph as this moves from her going through her internal thoughts to making an actual decision to act.

I’ve rephrased this because the previous chapter makes it sound like she’s about to speak, and it’s therefore important to make it clear for the reader that although Malia is thinking these things, she doesn’t actually voice them, which is why Adira is the next to speak.

There’s no need to repeat the part about it being a long day here, as your dialogue communicates her protests and confusion effectively enough.

You usually furrow your brow as a whole, rather than saying that you’re furrowing your eyebrows.

As Kaz is the one who moves her but not the one who speaks, I’ve added this voice tag and separated the paragraphs to make it clear that the spoken words and the actions are separate.

It’s worth reminding your reader that his name has been given to Malia at this point, especially as you start referring to him by it.

The thing that he’s specifically reading her is her thoughts, whereas her inner turmoil is more of an emotional state that he can recognise but isn’t directly related to what she’s thinking about currently.

‘Framed by’ isn’t quite the right language to use here, so I’ve just reworded this sentence to ensure the English is correct.

This just gives your reader an idea of the passage of time as Malia is moving through the corridors, from the first moment she registers the sound.

Even though you mention in the next chapter that they’re allowed to stay up because it’s a Saturday, wouldn’t Malia find it odd that there are so many kids awake past midnight, and that the kitchen is open? Your reader will certainly be wondering that, so maybe pop in a small observation about it here?

I’ve rearranged this sentence so that the ‘it’ that Malia refers to immediately precedes in the previous sentence ie. the hand, she shakes it, just to avoid any confusion for the reader about what you’re referring to.

She’s not actually explaining anything here, as she hasn’t been asked a question, so I’ve suggested an alternative word.

This particular figure of speech doesn’t actually need the ‘from’, as the saying is just ‘left and right’ ie. grabbing items left and right, people left and right etc. I’ve also rearranged the sentence in a way that makes more sense, as ‘by the time’ generally implies there’s been a long pause, which isn’t the case.

I’ve just reworked the beginning of this sentence because the thing that would actually trigger her mouth to water ie. the mention of the meal, already happened a little way up the page. This would usually come right after it, as an immediate response to Bertha’s words, but since you’ve put the introduction in between, I’ve restructured this opening to bridge that gap and affix it to her next action, looking at Kaz.